Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Not sleep deprived yet- However, tomorrow I will be. Tonite is the first of four consecutive nights at the local Holliday Inn, and should be.. well- Long.
By Friday morning, I will no doubt fall asleep putting my shoes on (yes- It has happened before..) trudge out the door and all but put my head under the coffee maker down at the convenience store.
I will then crawl back into my truck, blast some really cheesy "BiffandButtwipe" morning show and schlep on in to work. I will stare at my computer screen, mis-type my password three times, lock myself out, and go outside and have a cigarette. Work blows on days like that, but ya never know- I might get through it okay without deleting someones hard drive, crashing the network or snapping at some poor slob who decides it would be a good time to tell me his life story instead of getting to the fucking point.
My biggest pet peeve is people who blather on and on and on. Somewhere buried deeply in the midst of that noise (which sounds a lot like Charlie Brown's mother's voice..) lies a clue as to why you are standing in front of me. I do not have the patience to play verbal "Where's Waldo" just to figure out why you are standing there stealing my precious oxygen.
I will make you go away so I can continue staring into space lamenting my lack of sleep. You want help?
Here's the drill-
Who. What. Where.
That's all I need. Really.
Do NOT build me a clock lovingly crafted from trees raised from saplings in your back yard chosen carefully for texture, grain and strength, molded skillfully together with metal, hand forged in your basement... Just to tell me what fucking time it is.
Get. to. the. Point. Do not slowly suck the life force from me with pointless chatter not immediately relevant to the issue at hand.
I will then deal with said issue much faster and in a much better mood than if you were to stand there and expect me to care abut how it makes you feel when it happened.
See how easy that is?
I actually made the noise of the adults on Charlie Brown when I read this.wah wah waah waaah wahPost a Comment