Trolling For Tinfoil
Friday, June 10, 2005
REALLY Angst-y Post (#3 in a series of ..?)

(I promise to get back to normal soon, provided my brain spools down a little.)
I am sitting here wondering how- given my ability to read and understand people as well as most- How I could have wound up being such a dumbass for so long. Don't get me wrong, that's not a statement of anger directed at my ex, it's really more a generally honest question directed at myself. I started disecting both her AND my past behavior. It's scary how you can break it down, step by ugly step..

How to do the nasty on the sly, on the D.L., etc: (Based on much personal experience on both sides..)

1. Flirt with desired target.
2. Become somewhat curious as to what could happen if…
3. Begin inventing excuses to be in same places at same time.
4. Begin “selling” your case- “I’m not happy, or I love my Husband/Wife BF/GF, but….” (Why? This way no one thinks you’re a dog/slut, you’re just “trapped”..)
5. Combine alcohol and opportunity
6. Find right time/place and become “helpless against the attraction..” with said "person who understands".

In my heyday, this was my M.O. if I was actually dating someone.
Do it once- That’s forgivable. Do it consistently, and you become a soulless scumbag. Personally, I became tired of being a soulless scumbag,

So.. What’d I do? In typical dysfunctional fashion, I went out and found someone just like me. I then tried to be “the good guy”, having grown tired of being the local “player”. I tried hammering a square peg into a round hole. Repeatedly.

Ducks attract ducks, my Mother always used to say.
Funny- I am always the one sitting casually, arms draped over the next chair dispensing words of wisdom to others to whom the answers to life are not so easily apparent. If it was a guy, I’d say- “Man up, Nancy.. Move on” and if it was a woman, I’d say- “Suck it up, Cupcake. There’s more to life than a man..” I should've heeded my own advice.

Mweheh. Karma is a bitch.

We all grow as humans. Learn from your mistakes and go from there. I wish things were different. But we all have processes we have to go through. You alone can do it. I have had a small glimps of your mind. Yet I have a feeling you will bounce back. Be like boobies bounce and enjoy life again. (wink)
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