Trolling For Tinfoil
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Today's perverse post..
Boobs were sooo yesterday-

Today's fixation is on the booty. The behind, the junk in the trunk, the badonkadonk. (dude.. I am so street I scare myself.)

The problem is this..

I work in a building with more grandmas per square foot than your average bingo hall. (Come to think of it, I could make a killing if I put a slot machine in the cafeteria and held lunchtime bingo..) However, I digress from the subject so near and dear to my heart. Boot-ay.

The good news is- When I'm not blogging, I actually work instead of leering. This place is a booty lover’s nightmare- Everyone gets older and things sag, flatten and expand, and it will happen to us all.. But I'm stuck in a booty museum.

Old ladies seem to come in two basic shapes.

Cardboard box.
(flatassicus pancakius) Looks like someone let the air out, rolled it flat with a rolling pin and pumped in some cottage cheese for texture. Looks especially appealing in threadbare double-knit orange polyester.

Huge. Immense. (badonkadonkus rotundus immensicus) Leaves the room several minutes after she does. I can only guess that all the gas from withheld farts has caused it to swell and appear as if it’s crawling up her back. Its natural habitat appears to be a Mu-Mu.

On the bright side we get summer interns- But- most of ‘em are too young and haven’t grown into everything yet. Still babies, basically.
This leaves me at a loss- Am I being punished for something? Why, dear lord did you strand me in this booty-barren wasteland? Have I offended thee in some way?

I dunno.

The girlfriend has been out of town for three days , which I think is the real problem.

What is your booty like? Do these woman like to look at yours? I mean they may be old but their eyes still work right?
Well.. Hard to say- It's behind me most of the time, except when my head is up there.

Old women are notoriously lecherous anyway, so their opinion may be a little biased.
He was a jerk and ugly as hell. Though He does have lots of Money.
Oh, Lord, hear his prayer and grant the man some booootay. His needs are great, Lord, and he appears deserving.
A- MEN, Brother Random.

For lo, I have wandered in the valley of saggy booty, and am in need.

"Laying on of the hands" will now commence.
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