Trolling For Tinfoil
Sunday, August 07, 2005
Fielding questions from the gallery..
I just read a comment im my last post that made me stop in my tracks and think. Usually Sougata is the only person who can throw a wrench in my mental gears, but I have to admit- The poster had a point.

Her comment was thus-
Rob, you show so many different sides of yourself in your postings. How would someone know which is real? The booby obsessed player or the wanting to find an honest and loving relationship type of man? I would love to hear a deeper explanation of who you are.
Hell, I'd love an explanation of who I am, but at best, all I can give you is a feeble attempt.

Where to begin my impromptu self-analysis? We'll start here.
Rob, you show so many different sides of yourself in your postings. How would someone know which is real?
How would one know? Even my family describes me as complex and aloof, at times. ("Aloof" is NOT snobbery by the way, it really means polite but reserved.) I'm not an open book, that's for sure. This is about as close as I get to hanging it all out there, and with the possible exception of the "boobie obsess-ee" no one in my day-to-day life reads this. I like it that way, so should I feel so inclined, I could vent and call them shitheads, should I feel the need. In short- To know me is to be perplexed.

The booby obsessed player or the wanting to find an honest and loving relationship type of man?
Hmm.. Player? Not really. Flirt, maybe, but not a player. Which is not to say that in my past life I wasn't one- My numbers stand at just under a hundred, and I'm trying to keep it that way. It's not hard, really. When I was a drunken musician slut, it never occured to me to say "no". These days? The only place I stand to get into trouble is when I'm playing, and drunk chicks annoy the hell out of me to the point of being rude. If you're too drunk to complete a sentence in under thirty seconds, there's a good chance that I'm not as cute as you think I am. I have been known to walk away while the befuddled drunken suitor struggles to comprehend why her mouth won't work right and why she's staring at my back.
Even my ex- with all her issues- could never accuse me of being untrustworthy. I was manaical about being monogomous.

The "boobie" thing? I was trying to get a reaction out of someone who is as aloof as I am, getting her to think about really inapropriate behavior in an environment that doesn't condone such behavior. It's called "getting a rise" out of someone, making them blush, or giggle. Oh, don't get me wrong- Had it happened, I would have looked, but that's as far as it would have gone, believe me.

At this point I'd freak if I actually DID find an honest, loving relationship. I'd panic and run, only to be rightfully accused of being a commitment-phobe. It's too early, and the thing is really an experiment- I doubt after two weeks I'll find the "one" and be happy ever after. It's probably going to be a process, albeit a sometimes tedious one- But sometimes enjoyable nonetheless, provided I keep it all in perspective.

How would anyone know which is real?
I think all of it is you. There are many sides to everyone. We get to choose which "mode" we want to show at which time.
I agree we all have many sides, but we all also have a core. Core beliefs, core values, core personality. I just find Rob very perplex (self described, I believe) in that he shows so many contrasting images. I am in absolutely no way saying that there is anything wrong with that, I just find it quite intriguing. I am very much a thinker, dreamer, questioner of life and people. I love psychology and have my most fun trying to understand people, personalities, why we do and think what we do, trying to get people to really do soul searching and ultimately find a deep understanding of themselves. The human mind and body just fascinates me to no end.
Rob I am very happy to hear you have quit drinking and even happier to know that despite your sporadic womanizing sounding posts, you seem to be more of a man that. Comforting thought in a world where sexual indescretion runs rampant. I try with all of might, at times, to understand why people cheat. If we enter into a relationship to be with one person, why choose two? Perhaps it is an easy way out, a thrill, just an opportunity...who knows...Sorry I am babbling...that happens.
I'm glad you find me and others like me intriguing.

Core beliefs? Sexual Indiscretion run Rampant? Sounds to me like a Deepak Chopra getaway retreat.
(I keed, I keed..)

Feel free to analyze. I will just continue to blog, happily oblivious, abusing my inner child and muddling through. I'm pretty happy with me at the moment- It took some introspection to arrive at that conclusion- But at the end of the day, Rob's an okay guy. Far from perfect, but nothing to be ashamed of.
"Abusing my inner child". Ha! As Dave Barry would say, that would be a good name for a rock band.

Well, as long as you don't abuse your inner troll. There are laws against that.

You did see that spammer on my blog, didn't you! Imagine that! Spamming a blog!! What'll they think of next?

-- Sougata.

Oh, well. Consider a badge of honor. The spambots trolled the web and found.. You- NOT me! Ha!
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