Trolling For Tinfoil
Friday, October 14, 2005
 
Still Here
Well, not to be too cryptic, but at some point I will spell out in detail the extent of the ex's implosion.
Let's just say that when it blows up, there aren't too many places she can show her face.
Oh, it's.. Disturbing.

To be honest, I am having a hard time with wanting to grab a lawn chair, a bowl of popcorn and just sit back and watch.

Here's the dilemna I face- Carrying around resentment is unhealthy, and forgiveness is much easier on the soul. However, after six years of being called paranoid, I am looking at vindication. The problem also lies in the fact that when this does blow, I will be part of the gossip, (in a bystander kind of way) and they (yes, there's a "they") have managed to blow crap over everyone involved with them. He WAS one of my best friends.

I have managed to forgive him, and even tell him so- because he was man enough to come to me.
Her?
We'll see.

As for her, I can resist the urge to point and laugh, because the situation is just so.. Stupid, sick and completely devoid of judgment. Both are morally bankrupt, but that kind of syntax means nothing to her. It either doesn't compute because she hasn't developed the emotional maturity to comprehend what it really means, or her super powers of denial will kick in.
I'm torn.. I want to grab her by the shoulders and call her all kinds of names, say cruel things, treat her with contempt, but-
Now, everyone else will be doing that, since people do love to gossip and pass judgement. She didn't ever do anything to them, and it seems like I should be the one who gets to do that.
I also know that I would be immediately sorry if I did.

Forgive.
I find it hard to extend forgiveness to someone who refuses to be accountable for what they do.

Move on.
I also find it hard to believe that I thought she was the best I could ever do.

Accept.
I thought she was the best I could ever do is the hardest to swallow, because it speaks volumes about me.

Comments:
Rob,

"Accept.
I thought she was the best I could ever do is the hardest to swallow, because it speaks volumes about me."..........

Actually you can forgive yourself here too. I have found it easy enough to explain that we care about the person we are "thought them to be", not who they actually are. We all have a first impression and it is hard to discover who that person "really" is after you start to care. So it isn't your fault for thinking her to be someone other then who she actually is. Remember that stupid old saying, LOVE IS BLIND. Happens to the best of us.
As I say about Handsomes Father, I was in Love with who I thought he was not who he actually is.
 
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