Trolling For Tinfoil
Monday, April 25, 2005
Alllll damn day.
There’s an older gentleman who trudges out to the leper outpost called the “smoker’s area”- He’s one of those guys that constantly throws dry, inane little quips at you while he puffs on his cigarette, like- “Working hard, or hardly workin?” or “Are we having fun yet?” or my personal favorite- The 8:45 am “Is it time to go home yet?”
Some days, I like to throw a wrench in his gears- Like today. He threw his usual “Havin’ fun yet?” out there, probably expecting some trite response, to which I responded –
“Like a one-armed clusterf**k in a butt kicking contest..”
I got the same look your dog gives you when he farts.
Here at work, we’re not really a “Monday Crew”- It takes us a while to get moving, grudgingly coming to terms with the needs of those who require our services. There’s a good-natured mini-feud that has carried over from Friday, involving claims of latent homosexuality, with the participants employing the tools that any self-respecting geek would use.
Namely- Adobe Photoshop.
So far, images have been pasted into Sir Elton John’s wedding blurb from a copied CNN page, and the cover of a Richard Simmons workout video has been subtly massaged to appear as if one of our Techs has grown a thinning ‘fro and likes shorts that threaten to expose his junk if he were to move too quickly.
They are mostly in their mid- to late 20’s, an age where the claim of “Theatrical Proclivities” carries a mild stigma, as well as a humorous undertone. Mostly.
I guess you could get all PC about the implications that such an accusation carries, even if it is entirely in jest, but no one here seems to be all that sensitive-Particularly since no one here seems to exhibit any such inclinations.
However, if we were to hire such a person, I’m afraid all conversation would dry up altogether.. They would certainly accept him/her as they are, provided the person wasn’t blatantly looking for romance amongst his/her fellow employees, but their standard Frat-boy humor would have no outlet.
I guess Farts would become the new joke. God help us all.
Sunday, April 24, 2005
Guest Bloggers coming soon!
Guest Bloggers coming soon!
I think I'm going to have guest bloggers start popping in- I have an idea who my first guest is going to be, but we're still negotiating the terms and conditions right now. Suffice it to say that it won't be someone who thinks just like I do.
In fact- I need a little outside opinion just to keep me honest. I like to hear and ponder other's views just to check myself, and as a very wise man once told me- "You have the right to be right, the right to be wrong, and the right to change your mind based on new information."
Once I get my email straightened out, I'll put it out there so you can throw your name into the hat-
If you want to be a guest blogger, the following conditons must be met.
- I have to like you and what you write.(hey- It's my blog.. Bite me. )
- You don't nessesarily have to posess the same set of political beliefs as me, but you will take off your tinfoil hat and present reasoned, logical and persuasive arguments for your beliefs, thoughts, etc.
- I get to referee the comments section- Remember- The guest blogger is a guest and we will treat him/her as such.
- I get editorial priveledges on every post before it's submitted. I don't need someone posting a picture of their butt in a last-minute fit of partisanship.
Now- Having said all that- Enough Left-bashing for a while..
I could start using this photo everytime I go off on a rant, just to keep me from being a one-note bugle..
Hell- Even I'm getting tired of hearing myself bitch about them, so I'll switch gears and go off in the more everyday direction for a day or two. Maybe.
Not for too long, though.
Embrace the Suck
I am amazed at the active acts of denial required to snigger at the Army recruiting goals, or to be more precise- Their inability to meet them. That was the big story sandwiched under Michael Jackson and Terry Schiavo- We've seen coverage from all over the spectrum rehashing the "dismal" numbers, and the squirming P.R. Officers put on the spot. The recruiters themselves probably want to commit suicide after all that press.
Don't fight the negative spin. Embrace it- When the numbers for next quarter come out, how about looking the reporters dead in the eye? No squirming, no pretense or putting on the brave face- Just look 'em in the eye.
NPR/CBS/CNN Correspondent: "In spite of claims that we are, in fact winning the war on terror- How do you respond to claims that the army is falling short on its recruitment goals?"
Army: "Well.... Could it be- *leans in closer and whispers in a conspiratorial tone* Because they might be asked to go to Iraq for a year, where they could quite possibly DIE? Are you... stupid?
Would you go for a year, no beer, very few women, leave you family, work 12 to 16 hours a day, every day- and then turn around and do it again at a later date?"
The 101st had a saying during the initial push into Baghdad- "Embrace the Suck." Which means,"Yeah, it's bad, but this is what we do.." With the exception of Hassan Ackbar, (who pitched grenades into a tent and shot his fellow soldiers as they ran out) they performed with honor in tough, inhospitable conditions. That's what the army as a whole does- Perform with honor- in tough situations. That's not a bad message, all in all, and that's why I have such a bone to pick with the Left.
I guess the most important question is:
Does the Left have an equivalent to this kind of commitment? There's always the Peace Corps, which requires two years of service for very little in return, but other than marching and getting blisters- What are they doing? Printing pamphlets and marching for twelve hours on a Saturday is not commitment. That's a social activity.
At worst- You might get gassed, or, if you push the cops really hard you might get popped with a club. You get half a point there, but if you behave (remember- You have the right to peacefull assembly..) you get to go home feeling warm and fuzzy. At best, you get to be a part of something and maybe a thorn in your johnson if you have to pee in someone's rosebushes along the way.
How many of them would sign up to march and protest, or- do anything- for 12 to 16 hours a day, 7 days a week at pay below the poverty level? It's a purely rhetorical question, but again, I question their loyalty to anything. They have no equivalent to the life-wrecking tour the modern soldier undergoes. It's a fact- War sucks, but there are those over there right now in their second tour. That's commitment.
Jesus- The fact that men and women show up on the doorsteps of recruiters at all is a friggin' miracle. The MSM won't even turn on a camera unless the reporter has a smoldering body part in the background.
The Left as they stand right now, are nothing more than isolationists with better signs, masquerading as idealists.
Most of what they do is driven by a need to feel a part of something greater than themselves, to be a "force for change", but again- They are looking to the 60's as their template. What they've forgotten are the sheer numbers the baby boomers could put up on any given day. They could be a massive herd of tie dye and beligerence when they wanted to be, and the modern left is a little slow on the uptake when considering this fact.
Let's hope it stays that way for a while.
Saturday, April 23, 2005
Why I love Fark Photoshop Contests
Fark Rules.. Most days.
Granted, I get really tired of all the flame wars, but it's a pretty good cross section of the 'net universe.
I love this one..The winner of the first annual Bagdad Custom Auto Show
This one is good- Being tested at Aberdeen for perimeter defense, or so I hear.
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Killer Care Bears
I used to think of the Left as your typical "Bleeding Heart" tree-hugging (insert milquetoast stereotype here..) kind of movement. That's been revised to include a different, more organic kind of movement, the kind that makes kindergardners giggle. (Okay, I admit it- I still snicker every time I hear a scientist say "Uranus", so I can't claim intellectual high ground on that one...)
Apparently, the Care Bears have come down with rabies...(hats off to FrontPageMag) Whatever happened to your kinder, gentler left? Did they drop the brown acid? Did they have an allergic reaction to organic food en masse? WTF are you people thinking? This is what you call tolerance, enlightenment and "dissent"? Ye flippin' gods, when they march, it's like they're lemmings on a three-day meth jag, looking for a place to crash.
No one bothered to tell them the 60's are really passe'. Dude- Get a grip, get out of class and go see the world without the pot and patchoulli. Bathing is in, and rehabs were perhaps the 60's greatest contribution to society to date. Oh, sure- The music was pretty good, but as the old joke goes:
Q: What did the DeadHead say when he ran out of drugs?
A: Um... *looks around in confusion* Did they always suck?
(It's a musician joke.. Sorry- I couldn't resist.)
I hope they all get their picture taken. Not out of any "Big Brother" scenario, but just so they can look back at themselves and go- "Um... Did we always take ourselves so seriously?"
Friday, April 15, 2005
Updates and new links 'n stuff.
In my last post, I was waxing irritated about the Tshirt, and how the left has apparently lost touch with reason. I promised you a link if I found one, and lo and behold- I ran across this. (Thanks to meatu for the working link, and to the Oh- so- lovely Michelle Malkin)
In other news, I thought I was being unique and somewhat clever by claiming to be a "South-Park-Republican". Turns out- It's catching on, which means I'll have to call myself something else.
Poorly Animated Semi-Conservative?
Thursday, April 14, 2005
My blog is mutating..
I really did want my blog to be the light-hearted day-by-day kind.
It's not looking good, is it?
I can't help it.. I surf around the blogosphere and I find hundreds of things that I take issue with, so I post some of them here, and as most bloggers will tell you- It's pretty therapeutic.
I find myself pondering the differences between the right and the left all the time, but the left seems to really yank my chain on a far more regular basis. I think it's because the standards they hold everyone to and the tactics they use are so machiavellian at times.
I have to shake my head and .. Well-
Point and laugh.
They are finding themselves in the rather unenviable position of being the lunatic fringe, their points not resonating with the public at large, and it's getting ugly.
I found a link on Fark yesterday that made me think that not only are they getting more desperate, they're just batshit crazy. There was a t-shirt company actually selling shirts that said "For god's sake, sombody kill Bush. For the good of the country, for the good of the world.."
(They pulled the link down after a bunch of people said "Dude.. WTF??" AND before the secret service came knocking on their door inquiring about their exact intentions.) Thus, you'll have to take my word for it, since they came to their senses and covered their tracks, but hopefully not before somebody mirrored the page. Believe me- If I find it, I'll post it.
In all fairness, I find the more distastefull elements of the right easier to ignore than the left, but I do have my pet peeves with the right as well.
My biggest gripe? The right has no imagination at all. They like things safe and predictable, and new things scare the bejesus out of them. Fear is perhaps the single biggest impediment to the neoCons right now-( That and the super-hard-core fundamentalists religious types. They really need to peel off and go find another party.)
In contrast, the left is in love with the possibilities but give almost no thought to the probabilities, whereas the right can at least be counted on to make their shit work. (Unfortunately for the right, it usually leaves somebody out in the cold.)
Here's another observation- The right falls in line behind candidates who appear to be morally conservative and dispassionate. (See above statements regarding safety and predictablility) Liberals fall in love with candidates who are morally flawed, but passionate. They could be a closet crackhead, two dead bodies in the basement and a 10 year old sex slave chained in the garage, but "By god he's gonna change things"...
I found myself ging over the most notable of president and politicians from the last 20 years and my thoughts on each surprised me when I broke it down.
For example- Bill Clinton.
Despicable human being, decent president, (I can't believe I wrote that, but he wasn't that bad..) but probably the best politician the world has ever seen. That man could talk his way out of his own execution, and make you feel pretty good about it. When I say decent president, I mean to imply that he didn't hurt anything. At least he had enough sense to let Greenspan drive the economic bus and didn't backseat drive. However- At the time, I felt like he was evil personified, and his wife was sleeping with communists at fundraisers selling national secrets in exchange for tips on socialized medicine.
Ye gods, how I hated those two when they were in office. I actually wanted to believe they offed Vincent Foster because it fit my caricature of them I had painted in my head. Time has passed, and I've mellowed some, but when that Bitch runs for office, I'm gonna lose my mind all over again. She's insincere, and a carpet-bagger at that. I guess it's why I can at least understand why the left is so rabid over Bush. He fits every stereotype they have af all that's bad with a politician and it's easy to imagine the worst, becase they want to believe the worst. It vindicates them.
Next- Richard Nixon.
What a delusional, paranoid nut-case. Oh, well- At least we don't have old Dick to kick around any more. What can I say? He was a victim of his own paranoia- End of story.
Jimmy Carter- Lousy president, but- where it counts most- He's an outstanding human being. He's done more out of office than anyone else, public or private, and is what he appears to be- Your classic, bleeding-heart liberal, but he walks the walk and in the end, the world is better off because of him. Mad props to the peanut man from Georgia.
Reagan- Great President, decent human being. Not a perfect president, but he did more to restore faith in ourselves than anyone since FDR. You can snipe about his failures and shortcomings all you want, but you are living in a world as a direct benificiary of his leadership.
There'll be more on this, but for now, my writing is labored and forced. Time to quit when I'm ahead, and come back when I'm feeling creative again.
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Nowhere to hide.
I have nowhere to hide.
I turn on the TV, I go out on the web, I turn on the radio, my girlfriend brings home assignments from school- It's all over. The left side of the political universe has spun off its axis and is careening wildly out of control. Major K has a good blog, readable and concise, most importantly, he's over there- Yet even he was jumped by the standard Oil-Military-Industrial Tinfoil-Hat type in the comments section. Pissed me off to no end, but I refrained from joining in the flame fest, since the good Major was gracious and refused to take the bait.
I mean.. Jesus Christ- You have every major university, the public school sytem, all but one of the major networks, the publishing industry, New York, L.A, Philadelphia, several major newspapers and all of the music industry, (except country, but you're a little too snobby to call that music..) and yet it's not enough. Hell- You own Hollywood outright, to the point that no actor who wants to keep his career would even consider giving support to the dark side.
Go away, fer chrissakes. Stop yammering about things that you have no proof of. Leave the soldiers alone- It's not enough for you? You are hell-bent on being right, you just know it in your heart-of-hearts, but those stupid people in Jesusland sold you out and fell for the lies and ruined everything. You have such a need to be right that it matters not what you say and who you say it to.
The soldiers? Pawns in the Oil machine.
Their sacrifices mean nothing to you. The separation from friends and family mean nothing, the constant danger, enduring a year of duty not asked for, not yearned for, in spite of everything you tell yourselves so you can paint them in the broadest brush possible. It only matters that you can vent your spleen even if it means frustrating a soldier in a far away and VERY dangerous place.
If I help you out, will you go away?
You lost because you made Godwin's law your entire platform. You lost because you marched, screamed and yelled. You lost because you trotted out the pretty and talented people who made impassioned speeches and sang songs. You lost because you made pseudo-documentaries, did scathing exposes with forged documentation, sent journalists to document the horror, when in reality all you were looking for was crimes at the scene of the clue.
The people in "Jesusland" didn't buy it either, in spite of the fact that pretty people are very nice to look at, and musicians are fun to listen to- But they have nothing to do life in "Jesusland". In fact, nothing you did or said had anything to do with the average American. Your hate was palpable, your intolerance and cynicism were your downfall. You built yourself a hall of mirrors, one big, pretty gleaming PR machine, carefully nurtured over the years.
All the pieces were in place- The schools to nurture the young, the colleges to mold the idealistic, the news to sway the uninformed, the arts to impress the impressionable.. Staggering isn't it? You're asking yourselves: "How could this be?" The nazis had their Hitler youth, the idea being to mold the youth into an idealized version of Germanic humanity. I hate to invoke Godwin's law- but if the shoe fits, you just got kicked in the ass with it.
Here's the real reason, though:
The sixties were your high-water mark. Never were you so powerfull as then, drunk with the power of ideas, conforming to the standards of non-conformity, your music powerful, your drugs more so. You look at the 60's like the red states look at WWII, or the idyllic fifties. You saw war looming, and dusted off the same tactics that worked for you then, but as someone in another blog so eloquently put it- "We examined your ways and found them wanting." You are narcissistic. Self-important. Elitist. Sarcastic. Relentless. You are in love with the shadow of your former self, and insist that we revere your dead icons as you do. Unfortunately, most of your idols died a self-inflicted death, and are not in fact, casualties of a war of ideology as you would have us believe. You cannot make your high ideals work in a real and practical sense because most of them run counter to human nature. They work wonderfully in small controled environments, but they fall short on a large scale- i.e. Communism, Socialism, etc..
Forget Peace. It's a myth- If you want to test this theory, try yanking the cops off the streets and protest in the worst neighborhoods you can find. That's what these places are- A Microcosm of the places that we fight in. Crime is war on a very small scale. Every gang leader is a small-time dictator, running his world as he sees fit, solely for the benefit of himself and his homies. Start ther- When you get that fixed then I'll pay attention to you. Until then- You're out of touch and irrelevant.